Let’s start here shall we:
Definition of surrender
surrendered; surrenderingplay \-d(ə-)riŋ\
1. a : to yield to the power, control, or possession of another upon compulsion or demand
b : to give up completely or agree to forgo especially in favor of another
2. a : to give (oneself) up into the power of another especially as a prisoner
b : to give (oneself) over to something (as an influence)
Surrender…This word swirled around in my head the other morning after I had endured a panic attack that lasted a few hours the night before (felt like a life time). It had snuck up on me out of no where (so I thought!). I’ve had panic attacks in my distant past when I was in college, young stressed out, eating poorly and hardly sleeping…pushing myself too far! But isn’t life now so much different?
I asked myself…WHY?
I scanned my thoughts for reasons for this episode…I eat pretty healthy (80/20 rule need some treats!), I have a great night time sleep routine, I make time for my health with scheduled chirproctic appointments every 2 weeks to keep me aligned physically and spiritually. I’m surrounded by an amazing TRIBE of women/moms/biz partners who inspire me to reach higher and dream bigger everyday. I have 2 beautiful children that bless my days and a husband who is such an amazing dad and man. I have my mom (Marnie) she’s my soul sister, blissed out partner, & all around awesome woman supporting everything I do. Then there’s my rock my dad, my trusted advisor always there cheering me on, my little bro who is such beautiful & strong teacher of life to me along with a gram that has showed me grace and strength.
My life looks perfect on paper (and it totally is awesome!), but what I didn’t realize is that I was letting fear (finances, raising kids, planning healthy meals day in and out do you feel me?) creep in to my thoughts and letting it choose how I live life ALL.THE.TIME and frankly its exhausting! Our true self (the soul) is always trying to get us to live in alignment with our lifes mission, what were here for what gives us butterflies in our stomach. We listened to it when we were kids being free, spinning in circles, thinking creatively being so OPEN, loving and trusting to all.
My mind is constantly chattering on about what lessons I need to teach my children, how successful I need to be for my husband because he has carried majority of the financial load since we’ve had our children, that I need a perfectly clean & organized house, clean healthy meals everyday in and out…better make sure their organic too! Make room in the schedule for quality family time, thats only after school, music, dance and hockey practice is complete. Am I making lasting memories for my kids? Better book that BIG amazing life changing (expensive!) trip I’ve gotta keep my game up. Oh and well i’m at it I haven’t worked on myself enough lately better listen to more self help pod casts and read about it more while i’m in the bath that way I can multi-task my relaxing time!
After 5-10 minutes of listening to myself I thought how exhausting and that feeling of panic from deep in my belly that rises with a rush of adrenaline was creeping back up and in that moment I CHOSE to SURRENDER I didn’t want to fight with what my heart was calling me to do anymore.
I am surrendering my planning, worrying & over OBSESSING self OVER to my Spiritual, grounded, whole self. My spirit is wise and knows what I REALLY want in life, its the place where I am at peace within myself and can catch my breath, I am letting it lead the way now.
This part whispers gently to me…
~You . are . enough.
~Life is working out perfectly, you are where your supposed to be right now.
~Stop and experience this beautiful moment Kelly…my little mans hand in mine, still a bit of that baby chubbiness left in his fingers. So I take that in and all the way down to my heart where it can live forever.
~Stop TRYING so hard…SURRENDER to the perfect beauty that is your life right now.
~Follow your heart, follow it all way to your passion. Inspire other women & moms to know they are enough too, to know they matter, to show them how to listen to their heart whispers too…don’t let fear in the drivers seat, it will never leave but you can sure take the wheel back.
Good times are great, but such beauty come from hard, messy times when we are slugging through the mud up to our knees not knowing if we will make it another minute, another step until someone grabs our hand and says come on, just a little further…that is your tribe love them HARD.
Surrender to everything that doesn’t serve you. Surrender to that voice in your head that says something isn’t good enough, your not good enough thats not your true self…thats not what you came here for, its fear and it speaks so LOUDLY that it controls much of our life and makes us miss the whisperings of our heart.
What is speaking to you right now?
Try doing that thing just once & I promise MAGIC will come out of it and you will be a better friend, daughter, wife, mother for it with a sense of inner peace we all look for.
Love life exactly how it is right now, messy beautiful and full of possibility, anything your heart can whisper you can make come true if you just surrender to the chatter and follow the beat of your pounding heart.
I am here to share my journey of healing with any and all that will listen, its my calling. Do you want to come along on this journey with me? All are welcome, please feel free to reach out and share your thoughts and feelings. This is just the beginning dear friends, we can do so much sharing our journey our pain our sorrow and the healing beauty and joy that come with surrendering to a peaceful life.
p.s. I am totally aware that like me this blog is beautiuflly flawed in its grammatical structure, and I am TOTALLY ok with that these days! Surrendering to the idea of perfection brings a sense of ease and peace.
Namaste Beautiful Souls, lets rock what we got!
Lots of love,